I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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