No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize