I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
