why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
