I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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