did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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