My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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