he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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