OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
