i need an iv and a liver transplant
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
