i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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