Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
