i just had sex bonerless
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
