I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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