You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
