you would pick up someone in the library
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
