i would punch a child for taco bell
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
