do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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