I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Blood and glitter go together right?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
