i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
