Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
