Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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