did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
