Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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