nut hugger
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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