Ketchup is God's man juice
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
