I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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