i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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