I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
