a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
