So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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