You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Two words: blizzard sex
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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