I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
