If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
