see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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