i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize