omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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