i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
