The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
