How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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