Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
