I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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