I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
