Don't make out with my wife yet
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
