Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
