i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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