its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
