I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
