it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
