Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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