i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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