Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
