never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
