yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
