What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
