i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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