the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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