No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
