Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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