You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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