Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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