Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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