If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
How external is "for external use only"?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
