i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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