this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
