if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
