recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
