Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
