Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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