zippers are such a cool invention
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize
