sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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