What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
