My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
