i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
