Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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