Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I stole a fireplace last night.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
