mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
