Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
