I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
