Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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