the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
