i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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