My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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