he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize